Seriously. I feel like scolding myself.
6days has passed.

Why cant I get over it?
Even in dream , I dream about her playing her clarinet.
And I was clapping like an idiot in the dream.

At times, I stop thinking about her.
At times, I think of her, I felt sad.

Can you take a look at others?

Jason broke off with her gf ytd.
He msn and said "Jin , i broke up wit my girlfren le oh "
Me " Ohh , dun sad la "
And wad is he reaction? " Nvm wont sad , a girl only ma, haha "

KS- U break up wit ur stead le ah?
Me " How u noe? "
Ks " see ur blog ehhs "
Ks : Oh ya BTW, Ehh, 2 months alrdy ah , its time for me to change my stead le.
Everyone in the class " OMG !?"

Why cant i think the same way as u all does !
Hais.


As what my mum say , u at here so sad for what?
She bite u , she also never ask whether ur hand ok .
Den this kind of fren u still want for wad?
You at here sad, maybe she is enjoying herself over there rite?


I jus told my mum , Is not that I am concern about the injuries of my hand , is just that "I really do appreciate this frenship "

I am stuck. Dunnoe wad to write.

Bye.

Lunch wit Ting.
Ate ban mian, and i only ate half.
Miracle. Because I am a super heavy eater.
But recently, I ate super less.

Dinner- Big prawn noodle at shin min road.
My dad specially drove me to there, because recently I didnt seems to eat well. And he want to brighten me with something special.
Haha.
And I also heard from Tv shows that the da xia mian there taste super good.
Yeah. And it did taste nice.
I dont want to disappoint their effort.
I force and swallow down the noodles, despite the fact that I am not hungry.

My mum is super angry wit me , for thinking over someone who has hurt me.

I am feeling sleepy right now, but still I am going to revise my work.
No more time to waste.
Exams are round the corner.

Nite pi-per.
Great day and enjoys ur weekend.
:))

I am here to update my weekly post. haha

Monday- Cannot remember what happen.

Tuesday - Just know that, I break down in class. And it was so embarassed.
Miss Vicky saw it, and she asked me to meet her outside the class.
She consoled me.
Thanks to my clique and Miss Vicky. I really felt better.
This is what happen earlier on the day.
Wont elaborate much on what happen on the later part on the tuesday.

Wednesday- Marketing. I went into the class and I sat at the wrong group.
And then , nydaa say " U at here one"
Ok,then i stood up and walk towards group 4.
Den i look at her and say " Promise me , dont tell people , i sit at wrong grp ok"
Zati and Nydaa said " Omg omg , why u talk so cute de,everytime make us laugh "
Den to end this conversation,I pose a cheezy pose to them. Haha.
They spotted my injuried hand.

And after school, Did I attend my rehearsal or basketball training ah?
Omg ! I old already. I cannot remember alot of things that happen this week sia.

Thursday- Cognitive class.
Ok. I was very playful that day.
Alot people give alot of points le , den all the points was at the board le.
Den I was not paying attention. I think i was chatting or what?
Den Mr wong noticed.
And he said "Benjin, give me one point"
Me " I want to give u one point, but all the point is all on the board seems to think alike as me"
Everyone " Laught"
Mr Wong " Mus pay attention ah "
Me "Hehe, ok"

And also thanks to all other classmate, they all try to avoid my injuried hand.
A bang on my hand, would hurts.

Thanks to Feb.
He help mi rub my hand, and my blue black is getting better :)


Friday- Math.
Was alittle complicated to understand sia.
Den heng heng , with the help of my shifu. I understood the question.

* DM asked me to remove my ear stud, and I refused.
Haha.
* DM asked me to pull my 3/4 pants down.
And I refused. So hot can.
* DM asked me to do as what he mention ,or not i might be strike off from my basketball and tennis captain postion.

I asked him to go la. Haha.
He nearly burst a vessel.

And out of the blue.
I want to say something randomly.
I want to put my tagboard and songs into my blog.
oK. Its like super random.


This are the commments for my grade and performance from my teacher.

By Miss Vicky :)
Good job, well written essay. And I am glad that you made it in time to hand up the work too, thank you for the effort. Do keep me updated about things are going, I hope everything is fine/better now. I do agree - pathos and logos work well in team work.Ethos is good, but more difficult to use - you have to keep your focus and try to improve this bit for the team too in the presentation.Good work in the team, although you were a little distracted and not really in the best condition to do well. However, I do appreciate the effort, the research that was done and the effort put into finishing the day, despite all that has happened. You are a very mature student and you have a very positive learning attitude. If you keep up with this, I am sure you will be able to graduate with top results. But remember to keep this focus and like you mentioned, focus on working hard - I always believe that one will reap what one sows. As promised, I am giving you a slightly more lenient grade this week with regards to the essay.

Grade : A


Miss Maria :)

As always, you were hardworking and were helpful to share your information with your team.You put in a lot of effort in your slides. You had highlighted many practical points on how to improve the Million Deeds site.You had good ideas. Remember to speak confidently when you present.You researched Swensen well. You made a good comprehensive report on its digital marketing strategy.

Grade : A


For other three subjects, my grades are not yet publish. Haha.

I am going to do some revision work.
Theres exams next week.

3 goals, 1 destination for this week.
1) Hardcore revision
2) Do well in my 5 examinations
3) Forget those memories TOTALLY


:))

Today was an average day. Much much better, a million time compared to yesterday.
Not going to elaborate much. Sleepy
Haha.

This is going to be a short short shortie post.

Two hopes for this week.

I hope that I can have the mood to eat.
Eaten a waffle in the morning , and I have totally zero mood and feel to eat anymore for my lunch and dinner.

I hope that my hand would recover soon.
It swell up and it hurts badly.
This is the reason why it is a short post.

To conclude : Hand to recover and eat well.

Exams are coming. Got to jiayou.
Gambateh to everyone taking similar exams as I am.

Today was a great sunday morning.
Early morning, my dad went all the way to AMK to purchase my favourite Nasi Lemak.
I love the chicken wings there.
I couldn't forget the taste, and have been craving for it everyday.
Hmm, I dont think I am able to taste it again le.
Would a country like cananda sell great food like singapore does?
I am not at sides. Haha.
One is the place I have been born, and I have no idea how it looks like.
On the another hand, is the place that I have been breed, that I have plenty of frens and where my lovestory was made and written once.

Seriously, I would miss singapore.

I was wondering, if i am not born at cananda, what would happen?
I was wondering , if I do not need to take over the companies, would i be happier?
Wondering and wondering.
That is all about life. Its alrdy well-planned for me.
What can I do about it?

I have been fighting not to go back.
And from last year till now, they have been unhappily accept it.
But that comes with a hot condition.
I accept it.
It's because , I cannot let go her just like dat.
Eversince Nine January 2009, She is a part of me.

Some of you might be wondering, why did i make her feels tight, irritated about this relationship?
Haha. Its simple.
Not to let her get hurt.
I rather I am the one who suffers instead of her.

Let me tell u a real story instead.
When I jus noe amirul, everyone thinks that he look shag, slacker and worth of nth.
But to me, he is a nice buddy, my dota fren and also a nice fren to me.
He might look shabby to u all.
But do you noe that , he was once a very outstanding student?
No one noes.
Therefore, I felt weird. How could such a smart person look so shabby?

He told me his story.
His stead and him was very loving and he truely love his stead till today.
And one day , his stead family decided to migrate to Cananada.
And all of the sudden, he nid to accept this fact by a week.

He told me that , he cried for a total of 3 days.
And his eye became puffy till now. His hairstyle became emo-ed.
His uniform become shaggy and he dont care about life anymore.

Upon hearing his story, it strucked me.
Dont you think that , if you treat the one u love super nice and be understanding to them, it would cause a major impact to her , when she receive the news that u are leaving?

I am not going to ruin her.
I am not going to see her sad.
I decided to play the role of a bad guy.
I decided to make her hate me.

I felt hurt to treat her so bad.
At times, when I treat her good ,i told myself not to.
Becos this would make me feel much more sadder.

And at times, I wanted to tell her the truth.
But I controlled.
If you truely love her, I should keep this as a secret.

I guess she wont be coming for my performance.
Deep in my heart, I just want to say the song I am going to sing for my performance, " Only Love", would be specially dedicated to Oo Xinman.

I am glad, she hates me to the core now.
I would have no regrets leaving.

I better get going to watch my reborn now.
Guess its tough to watch at Cananda.



Signing off.
Enjoy your sunday everyone, tml is another day that we nid to mug again.

A word a week for myself to keep myself going and that is to - Stay strong !

:))

Posted twice today.
Called the girl of my life.
I was super happy to hear her voice.
But in the end, I was scolded by her.
I was trying to act a brave front , infront of her and yet I failed. I teared.

As what the entire family of mines wants and expected, I can finally fullfill their dreams of sending me to cananda.
All u all want , is me, to take over the companies next time.
Although I have gain the fame and statues, but I have lost badly in love.
Its all u all want.
Being force to do the things you do not want, it's a terrible feelings.

I have been treating her as bad as possible.
I knew that she wont be online-ing as she is busy with her schoolwork , therefore I can post with a relieved heart.
By the time she saw this post, she would have forgetton about me, and I would have leave far from singapore.
And i sincerely hope , you will understand.


Althought I am heartbroken that she hates me to the max now, but afterall, I would have let her go sooner or later.
This would hurt her more , if I am the original Benjin that treat her good.
I am leaving , and me myself have no idea of when I would return.
I dont want to waste any of her youth.
She is nice. She is adorable.
She dont suites someone who has a complicated background, a complicated life and a complicated himself.

I choose and decided to hold you as tight and stress you that much as possible, so that I can make you think that I do not give u any freedom at all in this relationship.And gradually , you will have the urge to longed for freedom and want to let go as soon as possible.
I managed at last to do that, and as expected, you do urge for the freedom u long wanted.

I am glad. Instead of making you sad after the break up, I made you relieved and feels much more relaxed after we have break up.

In love with a condition that pays with a high price.

I dont meant to treat u that bad.
I got no choice.
I really dont wish to see you sad.

I felt lonely.
I got no one else to share my troubles with.
All I could do , was to blog my troubles out.

This is what hidden deep inside me that I wanting to say.
To:
My dad- Dont smoke too much, its bad for your health. And dont worry, I wont disappoint you. I will try my best to do well in everything.
My mum- Dont overwork too much work, your heart is weak. You are my forever my favourite Mami ever. You never fails to pick me up from my failure when I am sad. I will miss you as well as your cooking.
My sis - Dont always go pub and club dao late late ah. I will worry de u noe. If can, live for the fullest. Make your real love comes only once, and not twice.
My fat fat aunt / relatives- Thanks everyone. You all have been doting on me alot.
My yi ma - I hope that my cousin would treat you much much better, and would not always ask you for money. You mentioned that you will give me part of your assets, but i just want to say that, I dont need anything from you, I just want you to live happily.
.
Javier, Jace, Val, jaymus - Promised to be good kids and grow up healthily all rite . When I am back from Cananda, I hope that I can hear u all call me biao jiu.
My secondary sch frens- Thanks for all the playful and cute memories that I spend together with u guys.
My piano/ swimming /school teacher - Thanks for passing your knowledge to me , and guides me as a mentor once
My music rehearsal teacher- Although I have known you for week, but sincerely, u are nice.
Classmates( W47L) - I would not forget that we are so noisy till the whole lift is filled with out voices. Study hard guys !

Xinman - You are still my only one. I will love you always and forever. Dont overtired yourself ok. Winning is not important, what is more important is that U have tried your best afterall. Do remember to cover your blanket when its cold at nite. No matter what, just smile, and your day would be bright and warm.
Je suis désolé que je ne pouvais pas marcher tout le voyage avec vous. It means, Sorry that I cannot walk the entire journey together with you.
To Myself - Stay strong !

I just want to said that, I would miss you guys.

I cant feel the sunlight anymore.
Benjin has been dead since today.
Totally dead.

Today was Cognitive solving day.
And the topic was about Ghostbuster.
This problem was rather relaxing, but scare the hell out of many many people.
When they played a video on ghost, everyone was like covering their eyes, hiding behind me , and worst still ,some girls could not endure anymore , and they rush out of the class.
The sound produce and the video shown to me , was like oh my godgod.
I can still remember the images stuck in my brain now.

After school, attended maths workshop and my performance rehearsal.
Was fun at the workshop, becos I was watching hitman reborn all the way.
Going to the workshop to earn points nia. Haha.

Physco lots of my classmates to watch hitman reborn.
Alot of them was like magnetise to this show alrdy.
Victims were : Feb , Yang ni , Jason, Wei hao.
* Haha*

Rehearsal today was quite all rite.
Starting our class was performing , and after our class performance, it is my turn to sing alone.
I was feeling super nervous. I could feel the sweat all over on my palm.
But still , the rehearsal was quite ok.

Here are some comments by my classmates.
1)Jason: I fell in love wit u le la
*Oh my god, I got no comments for u all rite*
2)EnCi: I go hm want to watch u sing on my video i captured again
*Ahhhh ! *
3) Feb : Guo ran shi wo de Tu Di
*Shi fu ~ I never let u shi wang hor hor hor*
4)KS - Fuck la, so man sia u.
*ok , dun nid fuck me if i seems to be so man when i sing*
Just need to add in more feeling - Thats what the teacher in charge told me.


Raced home , cos want to charge my hp and faster msg mama.
Bought a 10% batt long hp battery, hoping that it can heng heng last me from 8am to 8pm.
At 9 plus am , my batt alrdy mati le.
Borrrowed Yang ni 's hp to msg mama.

I am wondering eversince monday.
I didnt want to let you go at all.
But what you did , makes me have no other reason not to let you go.
Ya, I am trying to be understanding. But can you spare a tot for me?
If i am being understanding, why cant you be ALITTLE understanding for me too?
It has been a week.
How many times have i felt neglected by u?
When I am sick, do u really show ur concern?
If i die , would you care?

You cared for your fren more den me.
You spend more time with band more den me.
I didnt mind at all and I didnt grumble to u anything.
I just hope that u will realised it.

Four days has jus passed.
Do you still remember the way u treat me?
Do you still remember that I am your stead?
Do you still remember that I do exists?
Do you?

Its thursday today , and I can predicted the same old routine of urs tml.
u will either be , going out wit ur fren , go band , do hw.
I dont dare to dream for tml, becos of u.

Would everything be better,
If I dont love you so much.
If its just a plain simple love.
If everything is simplified.


If everything can be reversed back to the past, I would choose not to fell in love wit u again.
Its not becos I dont love u at all.
Its becos , I do not wish to add on to ur burden.
U are alrdy so stressful in hw and cca.

I dont need anything much .
I dont request much from u.
I just want equal treatment from u, like how u treat everyone.
I just want to be your fren who can guides u throught every path.
I just want u to be happy. No matter what.
From the begining till I noe u now, I have been saying that, I want u to be happy.
I really hope that I can fullfill this promise that I have made for u from the start.

I am considering whether to click : Publish post anot.
Becos seriously.
I am afraid that you would be angry, you would scold me like theres no tml.
And I noe , you noe I wont dare to scold or counter attack back to u.


I felt so tight and packed to keep everything deep in my heart.
But in the end , I decided that I would still post it.


I felt pointless to tell you anything now.
You are too tired to listen, and I wont dread my story to u either.
I will choose to leave and go to Toronto in this coming Feb.
I hope that , this time I leave for good, I leave for the best.
If possible , I would not return for months , for years , or forever.

I hope that I can spend the most enjoyable and meaningful chinese new year in singapore this year.

Today was web and new media.

Just becos of my rehearsal, and nearly got into deep trouble for that longy hair.
Hais. My frindge is like nerd nerd nerdy.
It's ok . *crying smile*



This week is rather busy.
Tuesday- Formal wear day, rehearsal for singing.
Wednesday - Maths workshop /rehearsal
Thursday- Science workshop/ rehearsal
Friday - Basketball meeting / rehearsal
This week has jus started, and predictions have been made.

Ah gosh.
Nid to solve mama's a-math.
Bye and have a great great nite pi per :)
With loves.

Phew , my blog is so called 3/4 done.
Just left with my profile image and also my MIA tagboard.

Today was quite a so-so day.
Everything seems fine.
Presentation was ok.
Finally heard some words of praises from Mr Wong after long long goodie weeks.
Even the rubber bands got rusty from the wardrobes.
Phew. Was rather glad.

Marketing Ut2 grade would be out sooner or later.
Was nervous. Super nervous.
Everyone was like " Cui liao la , die "
Omgodness.
No way. I gotten a E. A great great wonderful E for my UT1.
Seriously,I cant afford to get an E/F this time round.
I would be terribly saddening, if I really obtain a E or F.


After sch, I accompany Yang ni to see the doc today.
His hand was scalded by 2 cups of super hot coffee.
Wheow ! Its like scary scars growing on his hands.
Hope he get better , after applying the medic cream.

Bought honey chicken chop for Mama, as she said she want to try it.
Haha. And glad she like the taste of it.
Hi- 5.

Meet up with Mama to test out the hp together.
She is like " YOU BEI ER LAI LOR "
She is like one kind of a fan of samsung jet , who knows much abt jet.

Help mama with her a-math.
And I realised something.
Never disturb/ talk to her unecessary when she is doing math.
Analysis : When her sis phone her , she was like going to shout at her sis alrdy.
Me : Looking at her gong gong-ly with my mouth wide wide wide open.
*kk , no saliva dripping down* Haha.

I finally used my samsung jet , after 6 days of purchase.
It was all the white jet fault to keep my black jet for waiting. haha

Msg-ing with my idiot mama now.
She is using her jet to reply.
I sent her 3 length long msg, and she replied 1 length short msg , and said tat I bully her knowing that she cant type long msg in new hp.
I didnt lor. Dun accuse.

List of what I need / confirm to do tml.
1) Completed my maths homework.
2) Collect my Ring.
3) Basketball meeting - bring basketball attair
4) Lunch with my unique after school.
5) Remove my ear studs before class starts
6)The time to meet dear ,not exceeding 6pm which is the time when her band end.

Seriously , tml I am racing with time.
Race together with carrying heavy rocks is a toughie.

Recently , I know that you are busy with lots of work loads.
As your boyfriend, I would give you the full support in everything you do.
I will be more understanding , and would help u relief your stress , instead of increasing your stresss.
Dont worry my dear , Gambateh all the way and dont ever give up , I will be just right behind you , cheering for you!
Lastly, I hope that the girl, Oo xinman, who is borns on 21st March 1995 to stay healthy and happy always.

Ytd before i went to bed, I charged my hp becos it left 20%.
When I woke up in the middle of 5am, my hp was like 14%.
Wa the lao. Its time to get ready sch.
No choice. I grab my charger and dash downstairs.
Becos my dad is waiting downstairs to drive me to school.

Reached sch.
I took the lift to class, and I ran into Yang ni and Dan.
Dan was like BENJIN!! Yang ni behind.
I turn around , and politely I said " Hi, and smiled"

It was maths lessons today.
The first thing I did , after I switch on my com, was to charge my stupid hp.
I nid to hold on TIGHT to that stupid hp of mines, if not it would not charge.
The most dumbo and assbo thing that I did is to hold on to my hp even when i am answering my teacher questions.
LOL.

And after the batt turns 30%. Its time for break.
So bo bian , i pluck it out and headed down together wit my group of clique.
Had such a special lunch at TRCC canteen.
Was cracking lots of jokes.

After we took our lunch, everyone was preparing for their presentation.
Everyone was solving and solving.
I am tasked to solve the most challenging problem which requires us to plot graph.
Was super stress * pull my hair and give a stupid face*

Rachell keep calling my name for I think more than ten times.
So bo bian , I went to help her,to solve her maths questions.

And suddendly , my team mates shouted " BENJINNN !!!! HUI LAI"
Me * Roll my chair over and YES happily*
Team mates " U heaven solve the hard hard qn leh, come back come back"
Me " AHHHH ! immediate ignore rachell and do my qn"
Haha.

All my team members was helping mi to hold on to my hp for it to charge.
First was Jason, followed by , Yang ni , Liqing and Feb.
Haha. They all took turns and shifts to hold the hp and let it charge.
My hp held a very big shot.
Mean while I slacked alittle. * Hehe*
Haha.

After sch, Jason , Yang ni , wei hao ,En ci and I headed to cwp for dinner at pizza hut.
We all got a hard time deciding what we should be eating.
I think we spent 10mins deciding.
And finally , I said " Is Pizza hut Ok?"
Den weihao said " Ok boss, I listen to u "
Later ppl tot i hei se hui sia, call me boss.

After we managed to sit down finally, We got another hard hard time deciding on what we should be eating.
10mins pass~
And I said" I be eating pizza"
* u all may think that go pizza hut , of cos eat pizza la, but excuse me , theres pasta & also bakerice hor , dun think that i am silly to type that down hor*
Everyone " Me too "
Me " Ok "

And i said " I be eating student meal -chicken and ham flavour "
Everyone " I want same as you "
Me " Haha, u all so funny sia , copy me"
Haha.

In the middle of nowhere when I am enjoying my food, Jason took alot of pic of me using Enci hp .
Never notify me. I should pose as nice as possible to let u take ma. * Haha*

After we ate, everyone was like " pregnant"
So we decide to tour around to let the pizza digest first.

I headed to Lot one after that.
Mrt was super crowded with sardines sia.
I went to xchange for the Ring.
And the salesgirl , told me alot about the ring sia.

After that I headed back to northpoint.
To order and choose flowers for my first year anniversary tml.
I choose Carebears + red roses.
Hope I would gave her a wonderful and memorable surprise tml.
Well, haha , guess so , and I hope so.

I am left wit a pathetic piece of $5.
Poor.

1 more day to a special special event .

Reminder for myself * Collect the flowers by 2pm tml at northpoint* :)

Sch was pretty all rite for me.
Joke alot.
And when cher went to other group for discussion, they dont know how to ans, and i chup in and ans for them.
And they was bursting with laughter.
I was not supose to ans for them.
But I pop up from nowhere , out of the blue blue sky.
Haha.

Revising for my maths exams tml.
Nid to buck up.
Mrs shelia has been saying " u , pan jie and feb cant disappoint me"
LOL.
Stress me nia.

I want to get into deep deep serious mood .
I should be cold in order to stop anything bad to happen.
Thats all.

Signing off and bye !

This is going to be a very short post.

Tml is web and new media exams, and I am revising at 12 40 am.
Haha.
Mama ordered me to sleep before 3am, or not she wont msg me sia.
Haha.
Feels abit sian, so came to blog.
But also cant like dat says la.
Cos when I am blogging now , i am revising at the same time.
Cos tml testing us on html and lots of new media stuffs.
LOL.
Cruel temptation song is nice. Thats super random to mention it all of a sudden.
5 more days to first year anniversary.

:)